It is not always easy to explain how it feels to be a parent or carer of a child with cancer. This article, by Nicole, is taken with her permission, from Facebook, and tells of the anguish of trying to stay positive for your child, while your insides are just churning with anxiety.
Here I sit reflecting the past 5 years, this is something I do leading up to any surgery, procedure or results. My mind cannot focus on anything else, I think about the original diagnosis, the denial and the reality – reality is not how I expected my life to be. Cancer not only robbed my daughter’s childhood, even if she manages to fight every cancer cell in her body my life will always be centered around the sh** that tried to kill my daughter. It has destroyed me, robbed the innocence of motherhood… My daughters own body has raged a war against herself and I am powerless to stop it. There is nothing worse than that…. is there? And whilst she sits there so positive and I pretend everything is ok and everything is normal – inside I am fighting a battle no parent should ever have to…. how awful is that I have thought about the song that she will be remembered by, how bad is it that I lie and tell her everything is going to be alright when I don’t actually know if it is…. please don’t tell me I’m strong because I am so weak. I don’t want you to walk in my shoes – I never want you to feel the pain I’m feeling, I never want you to look in your child’s eyes and be filled with the fear and worry I feel. All I want is kinder treatments, research and a cure that can give our children 100% chance to become an adult. I want people to pause, just for a second and try, try to imagine it was happening to them… because the 9th October 2012 I was just like you..
Thank you for allowing us to share your feelings Nicole.
Our best wishes to you and your family,
Ziggy Zoo and Betty Too